Why We Should Be Using Less Social Media
There’s a reason people have trouble focusing, feel foggy all the time, and never feel rested. A reason why so many people say they feel lonely. A reason why political polarization has gotten to the point it has. Social media has royally fucked us over.
Here’s a familiar scenario. We recognize that we’re foggy and tired, so we schedule time for activities we like. A little R&R. So we sit down to watch something and start staring at our phones, jumping between Grindr/ Scruff/Sniffies/Hookup-App-of-Choice—even if we have no intention of hooking up—to Twitter, to TikTok, or to a game we barely enjoy. All while “watching something” and rewinding whenever we think we missed something important.
Another scenario: we want to relax before bed or first thing in the morning. We tell ourselves we’ll just spend five minutes scrolling, only to end up losing an hour or more.
After we put down our phones or log off our computers, we don’t feel informed or connected. We don’t feel calmer or better rested. Instead, we feel scattered and tired. In short, social media isn’t playing the role in our lives that we intended it to when we signed up.
Why These Platforms Actually Exist
These platforms were not built to make us feel connected or rested. They were built to hold our attention because that is how they make money.
The anxiety, fog, loneliness, and polarization are all side effects of that design. They are normal human reactions to a system designed to hold your attention.
Most social media platforms are publicly traded companies. Their goal is to increase profit, not to make your life better. Currently, the main revenue stream for social media is ads. The longer you keep scrolling, the more ads you see, and the more money the company makes. So they make it as hard as possible to log off.
They do this through algorithms that track what you look at, what you like, and even how long you pause on something. Then those algorithms feed you more of the same, so you don’t leave. There is no consideration of whether the content you're most drawn to (even subconsciously) is doing you harm.
These same systems that drain our attention and energy also shape what we believe. Conflict and outrage keep people engaged longer than calm discussion, so the algorithm gives us more of both. Over time, that changes what we think the world looks like. It becomes harder to trust people who disagree with us, harder to listen, harder to find middle ground. The same tools that promised connection now drive polarization because anger is good for business.
The Pattern of Avoiding Regulation
The way social media rewires our brains and its impact on society are pretty well accepted (or at least as accepted as anything is these days). Despite this understanding of harm and aside from a few state laws regarding social media and minors, there aren’t many efforts to regulate these platforms. And with the current federal government, there are no plans to create them.
Since we aren’t getting help from the government, fixing the problem shifts to the users. It becomes our job not to fall into the algorithms' pull. We have to become stronger than them.
If this sounds familiar, it should. It is the same pattern found in other industries with products that are bad for us.
The food system in the United States makes unhealthy food the cheapest and most accessible option. Combine that with long work hours, food deserts, car culture, and people’s bodies respond exactly as expected. They eat what is available. They get fat. Then they are blamed for it.
They are expected to manage their weight through personal effort. They have to be stronger than the system set up to work against them. Many countries regulate processed food and advertising to reduce harm. In the United States, that is treated as an impossibility.
Cigarette companies worked the same way. Big Tobacco made an addictive product and spent ungodly amounts of money avoiding regulations, even when the health risks of cigarettes were well known. It was up to the users to quit. If they could not, that was a sign of personal weakness.
Social media works the same way. The system rewards content that keeps you scrolling, even when it makes you anxious or angry. Your mind is reacting exactly as it should in an environment built to hijack attention. Again, the government could step in and say, "Hey! This is bad. Let's regulate it."
But when people talk about regulating social media, the suggestion is often dismissed as unrealistic, as if these systems were part of nature rather than human invention. They were built by people and can be changed by people.However, right now, it's very unlikely we’ll see change.
So, again, avoiding the side effects of a manufactured system is framed as personal responsibility.
Taking Back What Belongs To Us
Instead of questioning these systems, we are told the problem is us. We are told nothing can be done about billion-dollar companies. They are treated like forces of nature, and we are expected to avoid the damage on our own. When we can’t, we are called weak or lazy.
So when people cannot resist the pull of the algorithm, they feel guilty for doing exactly what the apps were designed to make them do.
Right now, there is no political will to regulate these platforms. So we are left with what psychologists call adaptive resistance. It means finding ways to live inside harmful systems while also pushing back against them. In the case of social media, that might look like deleting certain apps, setting limits, or taking a few weeks off to see what changes.
No one wants to do this work, but it is becoming increasingly necessary. Fixing the problems created by social media should not be up to the individual, but it is. And feeling angry about that is reasonable. You should be angry. I am.
Maybe you signed up to stay in touch, stay informed, or stay entertained. That experience is gone. Now the system is built to push ads, show you less from actual friends, and fill your feed with low-quality AI content and bot conversations. It is a classic bait-and-switch.
We are less connected, more anxious, and more exhausted. Our attention is filled with cheap content designed to keep us scrolling. These companies profit. Our lives get worse.
But since we have to engage in a little adaptive resistance, anger can be a useful motivator. Because we all should be using less social media.
Starting the Shift
Using less social media is one of the clearest ways to take back control.
I plan on helping in a few ways. This essay is the start of a series about how modern social media works, how it affects us, and what we can do about it.
I am also offering a structured program that launches on New Year’s Day. It is designed to help you make the changes you want to make without having to figure everything out on your own. I am doing that work for you.
Whether you decide to figure out how to use social media less on your own or join my program, I hope you start using it a little less.
As Annie Dillard wrote, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” So we all need to ask ourselves a very simple question: Is this how we want to spend our lives?