Why Your Perception of Your Penis Size Is Totally Skewed
It’s very common for people with penises to worry about how they measure up. And, this anxiety is increasing.
One big reason is because our “comparison group” has shifted. Back in the day, men had way more chances to see the natural variety of penis sizes in everyday, non-sexual settings, locker rooms and communal showers. Or, in many cases, they didn’t have anything to compare it to, so size simply wasn’t as big of a deal.
These days, though, those real-world comparisons have been replaced by media, social media, and porn, where the most extreme examples get all the attention.
This shift has messed with our idea of what’s “normal,” creating unrealistic expectations and fueling unnecessary anxiety.
The Science of Social Comparison
Psychologists have long studied how we measure ourselves against others. Social comparison theory, first introduced by Leon Festinger in 1954, explains that we determine our worth by stacking ourselves up against those around us. When it comes to penis size, this often means comparing ourselves to guys we think are ‘better’—aka bigger.
As we touched on earlier, our comparison group has shifted dramatically. Instead of seeing a natural range of body types in everyday settings, we’re now bombarded with extreme examples in our media.
This shift has consequences. Studies show that 45% of men wish their penis was larger, even though most are within the average range. Another study found that 62% of men who regularly watch porn feel inadequate about their size, compared to just 38% who don’t.
From this we can see that it’s not just about size—it’s about how we perceive it.
The good news is, there are ways to recalibrate your perspective and start seeing your body for what it really is: perfectly normal. More on that in a bit.
What’s Actually ‘Normal’?
Here’s a quick summary of what studies show about penis length says:
The average erect penis is about 5.16 inches (13.12 cm) long and 4.59 inches (11.66 cm) around.
When soft, the average length is 3.61 inches (9.16 cm), with a girth of 3.66 inches (9.31 cm).
A 6.3-inch erection puts you in the top 5%, while a 3.94-inch erection lands you in the bottom 5%. That means 90% of men fall within a range of just 2.36 inches—proof that ‘normal’ is a lot narrower than most people think.
Even with these stats, a lot of guys way underestimate where they stand. They assume they’re way below average when, chances are, they’re totally normal.
The Problem With Current Media
These days, most guys form their ideas about penis size from three main sources:
Their own penis.
Their partners’ penises (if they have partners).
The penises they see in media—porn, social media, and other forms of media.
Our culture consistently runs different variations of the bigger = better script. Media almost exclusively features guys in the top 5% or higher. On social media, even platforms that don’t allow nudity, suggestive content is everywhere—ripped guys flopping their dicks around in grey sweatpants, thirst traps carefully curated to highlight bulges, and viral trends that keep size obsession in the spotlight. that keep size obsession front and center.
Why? Because engagement rules everything. On Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter, the stuff that gets the most likes and shares is usually the most extreme. Bigger penises create spectacle, and spectacle drives views. And, plenty of guys who don’t naturally fall into the top 5% fake it with Photoshop, clever angles, or stuffing.
When most of what we see is oversized, our idea of “normal” gets totally warped. As a result, even guys who are average or above end up feeling inadequate. And for those who are below average, the total lack of representation can make them feel hopeless.
It’s worth noting that this isn’t a condemnation of porn or OnlyFans models—it’s just a reminder to be aware of how it can shape how we feel about ourselves.
After all, there are plenty of things we enjoy consuming that probably aren’t great for us (looking at you, “one-last beer” and pastry treat). The key is to enjoy them in moderation and with a healthy dose of self-awareness.
Ready to Break Free from the “Bigger Is Better” Script
If you’re struggling with penis size insecurity, I’ve got something that might help. I created The Package Acceptance Program to help guys break free from harmful comparison cycles, understand the reality of body diversity, and feel more confident in their own skin. You can start with the free 3-day intro or jump into the full program.
The Starter Package is a free 3-day intro course on self-image and penis acceptance. Through short videos and guided activities, you'll explore where pressure comes from, how it shapes your confidence, and what you can do to feel more at ease in your own skin.
The “Bigger Is Better” Myth: Skewing Perceptions of Importance
It’s not just that media and porn make us think average is bigger than it really is—they also make us think size matters way more than it actually does.
The “bigger is better” narrative is everywhere, from jokes in movies to viral memes to locker room banter. This constant messaging creates the illusion that everyone—partners, peers, society at large—is hyper-focused on penis size.
Most people don’t care nearly as much as we think they do. Although research suggests that penis size may hold some significance for gay and bisexual men—particularly in initial attraction and partner selection—it is not the primary determinant of sexual satisfaction. Factors like emotional connection, sexual technique, and mutual pleasure play a much greater role in fulfilling experiences.
Yet, because the “bigger is better” script is so pervasive, many men assume their size is a make-or-break factor in their relationships and self-worth.
This double distortion—thinking average is bigger and thinking size matters more than it does—creates a perfect storm of anxiety. It’s not just about feeling inadequate; it’s about feeling like your inadequacy (real or imagined) is a huge deal to everyone else. Spoiler: it’s not.
The Decline of Casual Nudity in the U.S.
One reason this comparison problem has gotten worse is the decline of casual, non-sexual nudity in American culture. Eighty years ago, people were exposed to a wider variety of body types in places like:
Locker rooms: While people still change in the locker rooms, a study found a 54% drop in locker room nudity over 15 years, with open nudity now mostly seen among older folks.
Swimming pools: In the 1960s, nude swimming was standard in all-male public and school pools.
Workplaces: Jobs like mining, steelworking, and logging often had communal showers and changing rooms. These days, private stalls are the norm.
With fewer chances to see the natural range of penis sizes in real life, guys are left comparing themselves to a media-driven standard that’s seriously skewed.
Final Thoughts
Penis size anxiety is a real thing, and it’s not just in your head—it’s fueled by a culture that’s obsessed with extremes. But the truth is, most guys are way more normal than they think, and most people don’t care nearly as much as you assume they do.
By changing your comparison group, challenging the “bigger is better” myth, and focusing on what really matters in relationships, you can start to see your body for what it really is: perfectly fine, just the way it is.