On Twink Death, Validation, and Aging
Last week, a trend popped up in Instagram stories where people posted about their "twink death". They were putting up before-and-after photos showing how they've aged since their early twenties. I saw people showing off their fat and muscle gains, flaunting how hair grew in some places and receded from others, and just generally displaying how they'd aged.
And, to be very clear, I loved them all. So, if you put one up, I want to say that, for the record, I think you're very sexy and desirable.
Was this an excuse to post transformation thirst traps? Absolutely. Do I think the virality of the trend says some interesting things about gay culture? Also absolutely.
Twink Death Is Just Normal Human Aging
The term "Twink Death" emerged in the early-to-mid 2010s in queer internet spaces like Tumblr, Reddit, and Twitter. It’s queer Gen Z’s reaction to aging. And like so much else, they processed it the way they know best: by turning it into a meme.
It's a jokey way to describe the normal things that happen as we age. You fill out and grow more body hair: twink death.
The term is pretty neutral. Assholes can use it to be assholes — and do. But, just as commonly, people use it to describe changes to their body that they're happy about, like finally being able to put on muscle or becoming the bear of their fantasies.
And for some of us, aging is about growing into ourselves. Not everyone peaks in their early twenties. Some people come out later in life. Some are late bloomers. Some (like me) don’t even fully grow into their features until their thirties.
Bodies change in all kinds of ways and this trend showed many of us our happy with how it's going.
The Complexity Of Being A Twink
Body ideals change, but, in gay culture, twinks are eternal. There always seems to be space for the thin, smooth, youthful. And, thanks to fast metabolisms, high testosterone levels, and the magic of youth, many of us attained twink status with little effort, whether we liked it or not.
Being celebrated for something we embodied felt good and came with validation and social mobility. A lot of people had a lot of fun in their twink years.
But, it also forced us to step into the role of "Twink". It came with expectations: be cute, be passive, be available. The stereotype "young, dumb, full of cum" frames twinks as desirable but also disposable, lacking depth, and there for someone else’s pleasure.
When I mentioned that I was going to write about this, I got messages from my community saying they never fit the twink mold and didn't experience the external validation that comes from being a standard "type" until later in life. Or to put simpler, they think they’re hotter now, so they like showing off.
Validation Shouldn’t Be Gatekept
Of course, not everyone started out fitting the twink ideal.
There have always been people whose bodies didn’t match what gay culture held up as beautiful. And, as they are human, they craved validation but found very few spaces that celebrated them.
Thankfully, that's changing. We’re seeing more bodies, more ages, more races, and more gender expressions celebrated in queer spaces. There’s still a long way to go, but it’s happening.
My general philosophy is simple: The body hierarchy is dumb. More bodies deserve to be represented, celebrated, and validated.
So, if you see an opportunity, celebrate yourself. Post the photos that make you feel good. But, don't do things that gatekeep who gets to feel sexy or seen.
Sex, Validation, and Being Seen Are Enduring Human Needs
It's important to say this plainly: Wanting to be desired is not shallow.
Sex, affection, and admiration are all a part of being human. Validation is a basic human need. It’s tied to safety, social belonging, and even survival.
And given that it's more common for queer people to hook up with more than one partner, or to still be single later in life, compared to straight people, it makes sense that queer people are still interested in posting thirst traps at a later age. So, If you still want to post a thirst trap or feel proud when someone flirts with you, that's not a flaw. That’s just enjoying your life.
A little caveat here, it's perfectly healthy to want to be seen and appreciated — in moderation. If you find yourself chasing external approval in ways that make you feel hollow or anxious, that’s probably a cue to recalibrate. You can learn more about how to do that with my 10-day program, Reclaim Your Feed.
In summary, we all deserve to want and to be seen and desired.
In Conclusion, You're Hot Shit
Aging doesn’t mean disappearing. And for a lot of people, showing off the transformation is part of the fun. If you get a little validation along the way, that’s great.
You’re desirable, and you deserve those fire reactions people sent on your Instagram stories.
So if no one’s said it to you lately, you’re hot shit.
If social media is making you feel worse, let’s shift that.
I created a 10-day program called Reclaim Your Feed to help you recalibrate your social media so it supports your self-image.
Each day includes a short lesson and a practical activity designed to make your scrolling feel better and hopefully fun again.